so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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