My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
