i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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