the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
