im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
