On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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