i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Randomize
