regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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