so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
