the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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