UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
