I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
