you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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