Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
