hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
