I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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