how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
