Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
