don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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