so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
