Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
