I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize