I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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