Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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