I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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