My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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