My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
