17 year olds will be the death of me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
