we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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