why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
