Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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