Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
