Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i drank out of a bidet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
