It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
