I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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