I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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