Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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