the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
