A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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