what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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