Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
