Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
