gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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