i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
