i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
