I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
