If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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