There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
