Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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