Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The Olympian is in my bed
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