I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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