imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
