I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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