Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
