you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
