I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize