I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
