i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
