Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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