i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
