There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
