So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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