youre lurking in front of me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
