too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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