Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
