I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize