So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
