There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He kissed a someone with a penis
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
