I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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