Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
